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49. Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.50. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.51. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.52. The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.53. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.54. He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.55. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.56. Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.57. It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end.58. Some people say “If you can’t beat them, join them”. I say “If you can’t beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.59. Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?60. Never hit a man with. "I felt Emily's hands working, pulling little clumps of my hair andworking them into short braids. I could see both of us in her vanitymirror. For a few minutes it looked like I had devil's horns and Ialmost asked Emily to leave me like that, perfect for Halloween. Iwatched us, just two sisters. Jumpy and alert, but also kind of sad in away. Not for things I had lost. For things I might lose one day, littlemoments like this that meant more to me than anything. I felt part ofEmily. It made me want to open up and tell her my last little secrets,at least the ones I'd developed this year."I have something to tell you," I said, my voice distant and soft. Heregoes."What?" I'm pretty sure I'm a lesbian." No shit. You listen to Indigo Girls nonstop."Which wasn't true at all. Folk gave me hives. "I'm serious." Well, if you're still a guy in there, you're not a lesbian. You're justa guy who happens to have a girl's body who happens to still like girls." I guess. I think I'm going.
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